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Are You Disciplining Your Kids or Punishing Your Kids?
By Anthony Kane, Md of Complete Connection Parenting
I have a number of years experience working with parents to develop effective parenting skills. A common mistake I discovered is that many parents equate punishing you kids to disciplining your kids. You may be one of those parents and I think you'll appreciate what I've learned. First of all, discipline is about convincing your children to follow the rules you have set out for them It doesn't mean dominating them or creating an atmosphere where you rule the house with an iron fist. No, discipline just means that you have set rules and limits and your children will be given consequences should they disobey the rule. Now there are keys points here. You need to set the rules and stick to them. Don't give in because it's late or you are tired. Follow through on the limits your set. And just as important, you need to set appropriate consequences. The key to good consequences is to ensure that your child can relate it back to the rule he broke. A good example of this would be if your son swears while playing with his friend. A good consequence would be that his friend has to leave while your son spends time in his room thinking about his actions. So the rule is no swearing and the consequence is no more friend. He has to see that he lost his friend because of his actions. I hope this is clear because I've found that many parents still get it wrong. What I've found is that all too often, parents will give a consequence that has nothing to do with the misdeed. Like taking away a cell phone or shortening a curfew. Neither of these consequence can be related back to swearing. In effect, these are really punishments. That's right. A consequence has a learning moment in it where your child can see that he is in his room because of his actions and reflect on that. He can make the connection that his friend can stay over if he doesn't swear. Punishments really just become revenge against your child. You did this so now I'll make you lose that. There's no learning in that. So you can see that the best solution is to set limits and use consequences, not punishment. Consequences are the key to child development. I've put together a video that discusses consequences and highlights the most common mistake that parents make. It's a simple, short and free video that I've made available at http://ccparenting.com/discipline?10086. Please take a few minutes to watch the video. You'll soon understand that effective parenting involves disciplining your kids to improve their behavior. Punishing your kids just doesn't work. |
discipline your child
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This intel was contributed by akanemd
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May, 2012
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