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akanemd > Intel > Effective Parenting and Child Discipline: Don’t Negotiate Limits

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Effective Parenting and Child Discipline: Don’t Negotiate Limits

By Anthony Kane, Md of Complete Connection Parenting

Effective parenting can be defined as applying child discipline when and where it is necessary. Know when to set limits, how to apply consequences and have a concrete strategy in place as you go.

For example, your child needs limits in his life. Anything from wearing his boots in winter to talking too much on the phone. You define what boundaries should be in place and where the limit is.

But when it comes to dealing with limits, all too often parents give in and negotiate the limit at the point that it is being broken. This is the wrong time to negotiate the limit.

For example, let's assume that your teenager is allowed to drive your car for an hour on the weekend. But when the hour is up and he wants to extend the limit, don't start negotiating the limit with him. It is important to stand your ground.

If you do negotiate the limit to an hour and a half or two hours, you are teaching your son that your limits aren't really limits at all. They are open to debate and your decisions can be influenced.

Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't negotiate at all. In fact, you should be open to changing your limits as your child grows. But you decide when and where to have that discussion. And it shouldn't be when the limit is being broken.

And similarly, you shouldn't be so rigid that you aren't open to exception. Maybe there is an excellent reason to stretch a limit for one specific time. Just make absolutely sure that you are not responding to a because-I-want-it situation. Be flexible, but be firm.

It is important that your child understand that your limits stand and there will be consequences if they are ignored. Your consequences help to reinforce your rules. This is a crucial point.

A lot of parents misunderstand consequences and how to use them. You've got to understand some simple guidelines to use effective parenting. I have created a video that will show you the most common mistake made by parents when applying child discipline. Please check out my free video at http://ccparenting.com/discipline?10086

External Links

discipline your child | Program to Help Parents with Defiant Teenagers |

Contributed by akanemd on December 13, 2009, at 7:45 AM UTC.

PLEASE VISIT THE CONTRIBUTOR'S WEBSITE
Your Difficult Defiant Teen
Your shortest path to a respectful teen
addadhdadvances.com/ntpv4.html

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