Children are known to indulge in lying at some point or another, and this is only one small facet of your child’s growing up. As your child continues growing up, he will want to experiment with a number of things, and you have to play your role as a parent in setting boundaries on countless occasions. Lying is one of the behaviors that your child will put to the test, and in instances when you find your child to be lying, there really isn’t any need to lose your calm or composure.
Children and lying:
Even a 4 year old can be seen lying, but it is when a child reaches around 5 that he will generally start to lie. Lying at this stage does not necessarily mean that your child will go on to have a serious problem. As long as his lying doesn’t become compulsive or consistent, he will be ok.
While some children tend to lie a fair bit, others see no need to lie. Children who witness others lying blatantly in their presence have a higher chance of lying.
Children will also lie if they see it as a way of staying away from trouble. Personality traits in children are also a factor when it comes to children lying.
An effective parenting technique is to tell your child that lying only creates problems for liars.
As a parent, you should know that low esteem is often a result of habitual, chronic, and compulsive lying. A child who lies ceaselessly often faces problems in school, and he will also run into trouble with his friends. His lying could be the cause of family unrest, and as a result he could end up feeling isolated. Keep this in the back of your mind to look out for.
But for the majority or cases, a child who is very young doesn’t even understand the implications of lying, and he can not often tell the difference of fact from fiction. He doesn’t necessarily need a reason to lie.
A young child could lie simply because he’s forgotten something. This is not at all unusual.
When he gets to be in between 5 & 6 years of age, your child starts differentiating fact from fiction. This is around the time that he begins to understand the concept of things such as conscience and guilt.
This is also the time when your child will start understanding that there are certain types of behavior that you do not want him to indulge in. A child this old will lie so that he does not have to face disapproval or to avoid being punished.
In between 7 & 8 years of age, a child can easily differentiate fact from fiction. This is a stage when a child is generally truthful. He might lie if he thinks it can keep punishment at bay, or if he wants to stay away from doing something he doesn’t enjoy.
This is also when a child understands the concept behind white lies; lies which are told in order to avoid being rude, or to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. However, you should be a little wary as a child lying at this stage could also be asking for help.
When a child is at this age and feels overwhelmed or scared of something, he could begin to lie as a way to handle the problem he’s facing.
Lying can be problematic when a child reaches adolescence, but not always.
At this stage a child could be lying to ensure his privacy or to get a sense of independence.
There are instances when a teenager thinks it’s acceptable to lie and this could be to get a friend out of trouble, or to avoid being embarrassed. Teenage lying can also come as a result of your teen not wanting to contribute with domestic chores, or to keep away from doing something he doesn’t like.
Lying is preventable and as a parent it is your duty to ensure that you set a good example. This is something that every effective parenting program will tell you. In order to minimize the chances of your child indulging in lying, follow these simple measures:
• Never lie; not even little white lies. This is to be followed strictly when it comes to dealing with your child.
• Stick to your promises. Don’t even think about promising something unless you are sure you can follow through.
• Always stress upon the importance of being truthful.
• Teach your child that truthfulness is something that should be valued.
• Show him there are alternatives to lying.
• Tell him that excuses for lying are unacceptable.
• Your home should be a place where your child can feel safe and secure, and the environment should be contributing to your child feeling that it’s ok to talk to you about anything truthfully.
• Your child’s honesty must be praised, especially when you know it’s not been easy for your child.
• Believe your child.
When you know that your child is being untruthful, there are things that you can do so that things don’t worsen. Given below is a list of things you can do to help put a check on your child’s lying:
• Give him a chance to come out with the truth.
• Do not ignore any instance of his being untruthful.
• Have in place a set of consequences which you can hand out when he is being untruthful.
• Avoid making rash decisions.
• Always give a separate consequence for his lying and a separate one for the act that preceded the lie.
• Teach him that expressing regret is important.
• Do not give him a lecture.
Losing Grip:
The petty lies that a young child indulges in could take a more serious form. You can tell if your teenaged child is losing his grip on things if he thinks its ok to lie in order to garner attention; if he thinks its ok lie and deceive people; if he thinks it’s ok to lie to keep your demands at bay; and if he thinks it’s ok to lie in order to hide personal problems like drug addiction, etc.
What You Can Do:
If teenage lying becomes persistent, then you need to give serious thought to seeking professional help for him. A psychologist can be consulted and he can asses your child’s situation.
Depending on the findings of the assessment the psychologist will advise a further course of action and this can include individual counseling which is advised when the lying is in order to garnet attention; group therapy, also advised for the same problem; and family counseling which is advised when the lying results in a breach of trust within the family, or when the child picks up lying from a family member.
Children will also lie in order to hide learning difficulties. Assessments for learning disabilities may be advised to rule out such scenarios.
While your child is growing, you should always remember that children and lying often go hand in hand… it is only one small aspect of your child growing up, and the chances that he will have a problem because of it remain slim. However, you have to ensure that this issue is dealt with at the very onset, or he could end up lying compulsively later on.
If and when you see that your child might have a problem with lying, it is important that you deal with the issue with patience. It is also important that you let your child know that you will stand by him.
You also have to take into account the fact that your child will have spent a fair amount of time in mastering the art of distorting the truth, making up excuses, and lying. So hoping that he’ll transform overnight is not realistic thought for effective parenting. Make sure you give him some time to change, and also lend him your continuous support.
